It’s entirely normal for a parent to want to be part of the college admissions process. But there is a difference between participating and taking the lead. Remind yourself that ‘we’ aren’t applying to college. This is your teenager’s experience. However, you can play an important role as the key supporter during this adventure. Communication will be vital as your student will need plenty of reassurance to take the leap during this self-discovery process.
Here are 6 ways a parent can help with college admissions:
- High school academics and activities;
- Help build the college list;
- Maximize the college visits;
- Help show demonstrated interest;
- Assist with the college application where needed;
- Help with financial aid information.
High school academics and activities
Familiarize yourself with the high school graduation requirements
Every high school requires students to take a minimum number of core classes and may also require courses like arts or physical education. In general, high school guidance counselors are keeping track of these graduation requirements, but parents should doublecheck to make sure your student is on track meeting these requirements.
Recognize your student’s strengths, weaknesses, and passions when choosing high school classes
While there are some general guidelines in planning the high school course path, your student is unique. Your job is to help encourage and develop your child’s interests and talents. So, if French is more intellectually stimulating than physics, then find ways to extend and expand that interest and proficiency in French while perhaps pulling back a bit in science. Yes, colleges do look at high school transcripts for the level of academic rigor. But, you also want your student to be successful and gain confidence so optimize this level of rigor so as not to add too much stress to your child.
Help your student identify activities to explore
Your student’s high school may offer many activities in which your student has not yet had the opportunity to participate. Many schools hold an activities fair at the beginning of the school year; others simply publish a list of activities offered. You can encourage your student to attend the fair and/or review the list of activities to determine which ones might be of interest. You also can help your student find out how to sign up or otherwise get involved.
How parents can help build the college list
Help identify reliable sources of information and opinion
As you know, teenagers are acutely aware of others’ opinions but typically they place more weight on the opinions of their friends and social media than you. This will also occur when it comes time to build the college list. Schools may be added or subtracted based on which friends and classmates may be interested in a particular college or what they heard second-hand. Help your student identify whose opinion she should value in this process whether it be someone who truly knows your child, is knowledgeable about today’s college admissions process, or can be corroborated by a more trustworthy source. Rather than shooting down ideas, help your child develop the skills to gather and assess information they collect. The development of these skills is critical to success in making difficult choices in adulthood.
Bring discussions about applying to a college back to what is important
Discussions during the list building process will inevitably focus on a particular school and what they “like” or “dislike” about it. However, whenever possible, try to bring the discussion back to the student’s criteria of what they want in a college. Ask questions about how well the school reflects those priorities whether it be the strength of a particular major, the existence of a desired activity, the characteristics of the student body, or location. If your student cannot adequately answer the like/dislike question, gently suggest she investigate how well the college satisfies the selection criteria.
Listen before you provide an opinion
Your student will inevitably change his mind numerous times when building the college list. That is why parents should not immediately give negative feedback every time a student adds, deletes, or re-ranks schools that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, discuss why he is interested in particular aspects of different schools and be excited about these new discoveries—even if temporarily. After a few days, wait to see if he is still as excited then add your perspective.
Don’t push your college views too hard
Researching colleges is a stress-ridden process and will take effort on your student’s part. Parents should allow the student to do the work and form their own opinions of schools. If you do find schools that you feel would be of interest to your student, share that information with your child. But also remind yourself that teenagers often run in the opposite direction their parents are trying to steer them. So, even though you have probably done a lot of your own college research, be sure to downplay this when you discuss your thoughts and preferences.
The college major as part of list building
Beware of articles you may read in the press that focus on the economic value of certain majors, or that list the average salaries of graduates. Remember that these are statistical analyses that cannot take your student’s life choices into account. Remind yourself that any individual’s experience—including your own—may or may not adhere to norms and averages. Focus on what subjects and possible career paths will likely make your student both happy and successful rather than merely statistical studies.
Also, in this age of AI, consider the other skills and knowledge that might be important to your student’s future. Consider the job prospects of the architect who speaks Chinese, the doctor who understands economics, the engineer who has a passion for art, and the lawyer who understands psychology. No profession in the 21st century stands in isolation from all other domains of knowledge, and skills developed in learning one discipline are easily transferred to another. For some students, it may be more helpful to develop a short list of possible majors based on aptitude and interest than to attempt to pinpoint a specific career path before the end of high school.
College visit advice for parents
Given what’s at stake (that is, the money you will eventually spend on tuition, not to mention your student’s happiness), carve out enough time at each campus to allow your student to determine whether this school would be a good fit. It takes time to get beyond the superficial aspects of a campus to learn about that community of people. Plan a college visit itinerary that will help your student—and you—get the most out of the visit. Read our blog post on how to maximize your college visits.
Let your student take charge of the visit
We know it is tempting to take charge of the visit but let your student show independence. Have them check in at the admissions office when you arrive and fill out the contact card. Try and restrain yourself from asking a lot of questions during the information session and tour. Your student may be quiet at first and simply be taking time to soak it all in. Don’t try to fill the silence by asking lots of questions. You may turn your student off from a college if you push too hard.
We know there are certain questions you will have as a parent that your student will not likely ask. Your questions about campus safety or financial aid are perfectly appropriate to ask—go for it. But don’t forget the tips above. Let your student take the lead! Consider, too, that there may be other ways to get the answer to your question—perhaps in a way that doesn’t step on your student’s toes.
Let your student give the first impression of a college
Note what your student is thinking and feeling, and encourage them to communicate these thoughts and feelings. In our experience, every child wants and needs parental input into the decision of which college to attend. However, the experience can be more productive for the student if the parent starts out in listening mode.
Encourage your student to take notes during or after the campus visit
We understand that each college can look the same after you have done a few college visit trips. It becomes hard to remember all the detail that was provided during the informational session and campus tour. So, encourage your student to take notes (and maybe even some pictures) during the visit. At a minimum, have her jot down some observations right after the visit. Her thoughts may be helpful in not only deciding whether she wants to apply, but it may come in handy when it comes time to write the ‘Why College X’ supplemental essay. You should also take a few notes because these may be different or complementary to what your student notices when you compare notes later.
How parents can help show demonstrated interest
Should I demonstrate interest as a parent?
The colleges want students who can advocate for themselves during the process. It is absolutely fine to let a college know that you love their school as a parent, but the communication surrounding demonstrated interest should come directly from your student. Here is how your student should show demonstrated interest.
However, in recent years some colleges have begun to track parent interaction as part of their enrollment strategy. These schools will send out emails and texts to the parents of prospective students currently in their pipeline. By providing information directly to parents, the goal is to get parents (i.e., the nudgers) to feel valued and nudge their child to apply to their institution. The data apparently shows that parents who click on and interact with these communications improves the odds of not only their students applying to that college but also ultimately deciding to enroll.
What can I do to help encourage my student to demonstrate interest?
Help plan campus visits, attend information sessions when colleges visit your community, remind your student to visit the college’s website and request a brochure, take your student to a college fair, and help them figure out when to schedule an interview. Also, many high schools have colleges come to visit. Make sure your student knows when admissions officers are visiting and how to sign up for those visits.
How parents can help with college applications
Remember that this is your student’s application
As difficult as it is to let go, you have to remember that this process belongs to your student. Do not complete the applications yourself and more importantly, do not write the essay. Your student’s application needs to be a reflection of them and, therefore, needs to be their work.
Know how the high school process works for the transmission of recommendations and transcripts
Many students will hear a presentation from their high school counselor about how the transcript and letters of recommendation process works but good luck getting that information from your student. You should confirm the steps for each to help your student meet these deadlines.
College essays
The primary rule for parents is to avoid exerting too much influence. Parents can be very helpful in brainstorming topics, engaging in conversations to refine or expand upon a student’s ideas, and reading over drafts and offering suggestions for improvement. But be careful when editing. Sometimes parents will get too involved in restructuring paragraphs, rewording entire phrases, or otherwise putting so much of their own adult voice into the essay that it no longer is an accurate reflection of the applicant. It’s critical that the admissions officer is hearing your student’s voice as they read through the essay rather than a 50-year-old. Believe me, admissions officers can tell.
Help your student organize and prioritize
As noted in our recent blog post, have your rising senior get started with various parts of the college application during the summer. If your student has decided to apply Early Decision (ED), make sure they are prioritizing this application. The same applies to Early Application (EA) colleges. Help them keep track of deadlines and (gently) remind them of these timelines. Students who are applying to more competitive schools and have additional essays to write will likely need to get started earlier.
Financial aid advice for parents
Know your budget
Before your student even considers applying to college, take stock of your family’s financial situation. Ask yourself, how much do I have available to spend for a college education, and how much am I willing to spend and sacrifice? If possible, talk to an accountant or financial planner and ask them to provide you with some thoughts on what you can and cannot afford and how you will fund college.
Discuss your perspective on college costs and financial aid with your student
Since it is your student who will be the beneficiary of the college education that you are purchasing for them, make sure they understand what you are able and willing to spend and how you will pay for college. Your student should be involved right from the beginning of the college process. If student loans are in your financial aid future, then it is the student who will be responsible for repayment of them. If work-study is part of a package that your student receives, then it is your student who will have to seek out and do the work. By including your student in discussions about college funding, they will have a greater appreciation for the sacrifice that you are making as a family to send them to school. Hopefully, this will help your student to be even more focused on achieving when they reach college.
Start the financial aid process early
Students can begin filing both the FAFSA and the CSS Profile on October 1 of the year before they matriculate. You should begin to educate yourself about financial aid as early in your student’s high school career as you can. The sooner you understand what you are dealing with, the better you will be able to plan an approach to the process.
Feeling overwhelmed with the college admissions process?
The team at Great College Advice has years of experience working with thousands of students as they navigate the college admissions process. We can help you prepare, select, and apply to colleges to give you the best chance of being accepted to your top choices. Of course we can help with demonstrating interest, but we will also help you with every other aspect of this process. Want to learn more? Please contact us and we’ll set up a no-cost, no-obligation meeting so we can learn more about you and discuss how we can help make the college admissions process more successful and less stressful.
Since 2007, the expert team of college admissions consultants at Great College Advice has provided comprehensive guidance to thousands of students from across the United States and over 45 countries across the world. Great College Advice has offices in Colorado, New Jersey, Chicago, North Carolina and Massachusetts.
In addition to our one-on-one counseling, Great College Advice extends its support through one of the most active and resource-rich Facebook Groups for college-bound students and their families: College Admissions Experts. With nearly 100,000 members—students, parents, and experienced counselors—this vibrant forum offers peer support and expert advice like no other.
